The following is an excerpt from my current book “Continuing to Trust God: Emergence,” which I’m writing while living in a retirement facility in Portland, Oregon, as God is moving forward, seven years after my ex-husband, Van, left, in search of his self-esteem, and then filed for divorce. The story of my bottoming-out and long process of recovery, has been written in my “Journey of Recovery Series.” The first books in that series are on my website, under that title. More will be added, as God guides.
“FAITH IS SAYING ‘YES’ TO GOD”
The title of this chapter is based on my book, of the same title, in my “Saying ‘Yes’” Series. My Inner Voice says that each month I will write a chapter based on the book of that month, which will renew my focus on the Power of the month, as well as the corresponding book, in my series. As I’ve explained, each book relates to a Power, so they too are monthly co-ordinated.
The Power for January is Faith, so this chapter will be about subjects relating to Faith, Trust, Beliefs, Agreements and Commitments, which are discussed with this Power. In addition, New Beginnings is a featured subject for January.
Of course, the Daily Reading is right on track: “This brand-new day begins with Christ in me.”
It continues: “Every morning, I have the ability to rise and begin a brand-new day with a fresh, new, positive attitude. I am not bound to old conditions, old patterns, old ways. Christ in me makes all things new. Through this power, I create a new me and embark on a new life.
“I am open, creative and innovative. I express new ideas and open myself to perspectives I might never have considered. In so doing, I fling open the door to new ways of thinking, feeling and being.
“Christ in me is life and energy in abundance. Christ in me is faith and hope that on any given day, I can release any negative feelings and replace them with goodwill, peace and prosperity.”
The Bible verse reads: “Our inner nature is being renewed day by day (2 Corinthians 4: 16).
“Faith in God”
So, I’m trusting God, as I face this new beginning, with excited anticipation of what lies ahead, according to His Divine Plan for Good that is now manifesting in Divine Order, and by His will, His way, and His inspiration. And, I will report the results, in this book, “Continuing to Trust God: Emergence.”
The first step is to review the Power of Faith, located in the center of the brain. The color is royal blue, and the disciple is Peter. Re Faith, the 2010 Unity Calendar states: “The ability to believe, intuit and perceive. Peter represents faith in things spiritual, faith in God.”
Picking Up the Pieces
It’s going to take a great deal of Faith for me to pick up the pieces, from where I left off, a year ago, when I thought my book, “Faith is Saying ‘Yes’ to God” would be placed on my publisher, Suzanne’s website, as an electronic book, which she promised. However, as time went by, and it didn’t happen, she said it would be March. But, that never happened either, and an entire year has gone by, including a visit to the Open House, for her new retreat and offices, way out in the country. Now, I must ask myself, and God, “What next? Do I look for another door, or wait?
After asking God, the last week in December, I sent Suzanne a Christmas Newsletter, and asked her about her plans for my book. So far, there hasn’t been a response, and I am waiting: for a reply from her and/or guidance from God.
A while back, Keith sent me the e-mail address of FastPencil.com, that guides and supports self-publishing, so I started the new year off by checking it out, but I scared myself, with the prospect of again self-publishing. If it’s something I’m to do, I am certainly not ready, yet.
If there is a new door for me to approach, I don’t know what it is, but I’m trusting God to reveal it to me.
A Story of Faith
In the meantime, while talking with my daughter, Dottie, she told me an inspiring story about trusting God. Her husband, Steve, once an RV salesman, had quit that career, in favor of selling storm windows and doors, when the RV sales took a downward slide. But he’s gone from one company to another, trying to make a decent living, only to find those doors not opening very wide. Finally, he went to work for Home Depot, selling doors and windows, which involves in-store, as well as home calls, within at least a fifty-mile radius, including Washington.
However, once the health insurance kicked in, and he went to a doctor, he learned that the sores on his head and hands are a form of skin cancer, so he was given a leave-of-absence, until they were cured, because of the hazards of the job that could irritate the condition. So, he returned to another company that does home calls, but sales have been down really bad, since the economy crisis, holidays, and other factors that affect the business.
Somehow, with their deep faith, they have financially survived, trusting that God is their Source. So, one day, as Steve was on his way to their daughter’s home, he noticed a sign that read “B Young,” at what appeared to be a new RV sales lot. It occurred to him that this must be an acquaintance, Bruce, whose dream was to own an RV Sales business. This is a man that Steve enjoyed working with, and he felt the urge to return to RV sales, which has always seemed to be his passion. In fact, my ex-husband and I bought our Holiday Rambler RV from him, when we all lived in Colorado.
However, no one seemed to be around, at the time, but every time Steve drove by, he checked out the place, and finally called a mutual acquaintance and got the man’s phone number, but had not made connections. However, he was told the kind of car Bruce drove, and when he saw it parked at the business, he stopped and went inside.
They had a rousing reunion, and when Steve asked if Bruce was hiring, he said, “Yes.” So, as soon as the RV’s arrive, Steve will be returning to a business he loves, that pays well, and often. In fact, Steve learned that RV sales are up, and doing well. So, Thank You, God, for this Good News story of inspiration. It just goes to show that when it’s right, it happens.
I believe that doors will open for me, when it’s right, in God’s Good Time, as I move forward, in Faith, one day at a time.
Getting Back on Track
In the afternoon, after writing the above, I went to my appointment at the NCNM Clinic (Naturopathic). At the time, I didn’t think of it relating to this chapter, because it was simply a follow-up to report on the Homeopathic tincture, and get a refill. However, in retrospect, I realize the importance of the visit, when it comes to new beginnings, such as getting back on track with my personal health care program. But there was more.
This was the first day of the new term, so the new student doctors were getting orientation, and the clinic was in a general state of new beginnings, as I made my future appointments for massage. If it isn’t done at the beginning of the term, the few available slots are taken, and massage is a vital part of my health routine. Thankfully, Sarah, the student doctor with my doctor, Dr. Kalnins, remained for another term, eliminating the need for me to adjust to another new one. I really like Sarah, because she offers more than remedies and treatments. For instance, she always greets me with a huge smiling and says, “I’m so glad to see you.” And she really means it, as we hug and chat, about such things as her trip home to North Dakota, for the holidays.
The secondary student doctor, Nikki, facing her first day, in the clinic, also greeted me warmly, and we had a nice visit, later, when the others were out of the office. I told her the importance of treating the emotional needs of the patient, which had been done to heal my bottoming-out, when I first came to the clinic. She agreed, and when taking my vitals, she noticed that my pulse seemed irregular, and we discussed the fact that I had been diagnosed with a slight heart murmur, but Dr. Kalnins was convinced it was healed, and any pains on my left side resulted from intestinal conditions, which affected many parts of the body. I really appreciated that she picked up on my irregular pulse beat, which reminded me that I had been short of breath, lately, when walking up hill and upstairs. She made sure that Doctor Kalnins and Sarah were aware of her findings, and both agreed that we would watch the condition, but it was probably due to my holiday diet: too much of the wrong foods.
So, as my new beginning, I committed myself to getting back to eating properly, walking, and taking good care of myself. Both Dr. Kalnins and Sarah complimented me on my good health care program, which means a lot to me to be acknowledged, and not considered eccentric, as some might think about my lifestyle.
I left the clinic with a new bottle of a slightly altered tincture, but essentially the same, since I reported that I’d been feeling better than I had in years, and I was sure it’s the tincture, because I had not been affected by the barometric and weather changes that usually cause head pressures, anxiety/depression, and unclear thinking. Sarah and the doctor both commented on how good I’m looking, so apparently it is working. Thank You, God, and thank you, Dr. Kalnins and the tincture.
On the lift bus, I thought about my new health regime, such as taking the lift bus to New Season’s, where I could buy the range-fed beef, and also mercury-free fish, in addition to other items.
I also made a decision that rain or shine, several times a week, I will walk the three blocks to the city bus, then get off and walk the three blocks to the Light Rail, and ride to Clackamas Town Center, where I’ll walk three blocks from the rail. Once there, I can walk inside, combining exercise and the healthy interest of seeing new things, such as the stores, people, and activities. In fact, I might even eat lunch, while there, and then return home. This may not be the usual track, for walking and running, but many people, in in climate weather, get their exercise at The Mall. In fact, some malls open their doors (not the stores, but the mall) early, so people can do their walking.
For a start, today I’ll take the city bus to nearby Eastport Plaza, to buy some blue candles and fake flowers to decorate my apartment for Faith.
Taking Care of My Health
I arrived home, from the clinic, in time to watch a new PBS program: “The Emotional Life,” about facing our fears, anger, anxiety and despair. I learned a lot about the part of the brain in depression, and, in fact, it is a physical disease, based on the size of the hypocampus. Proper treatment for depression prevents shrinking of the hypocampus and causes new cells to be born and grow.
I’m thinking that the supplements I take must have been healing for me, because the anxiety/depression syndrome seems to have healed. Thank You, God.
This week has been about taking care of my health, especially relating to food, starting with the above trip to the Naturopathic Clinic, and watching the PBS program, on depression, one night, and the same series on happiness, the next night. Both were very informative, emphasizing the importance of proper thinking, feelings, food and activities. Most of which I do.
As planned, I took the city bus to Eastport Plaza and got my candles and flowers, despite the cold, and it looks really good. The next day, I took the Grocery Shuttle to Fred Meyer’s (supermarket) for my usual health food items, and today I took the lift bus to New Season’s health market and bought my range-fed beef, lamb, mercury-free salmon and some produce; all for only $27.00; it would be much more expensive, if eating more.
God was with me, on this adventure, despite the fact that the bus took an hour–and-a-half of back-tracking to get me there; leaving only an hour to shop, eat, and be ready to return. So, I shopped first, leaving only 15-minutes for lunch. For some reason, I was experiencing a mild panic-attack, because I was dealing with a situation where I wasn’t sure of what I was doing, and feeling under pressure. Apparently, these are triggers for my feelings of panic. But, I asked God’s help, and He guided me to get a small container of delicious fish chowder, which I managed to devour, just as I saw the lift bus coming up the street. So, I rushed out the front door and made it just in time. Thank You, God.
Wouldn’t you know, the same woman who caused the back-tracking, before, was returning home, so we had to repeat the out-of-the-way procedure. Thankfully, it didn’t take as long, and I got home in good time. However, I’m going to look into other possibilities for my meat and fish shopping, such as, I think Trader Joe’s carries it, and that will be much better.
As to maintaining good health, of course, beliefs, words and affirmations, such as today’s Daily Reading contribute to my health and well-being too: “I bless my body. I see it healthy and whole.”
It continues: “From the top of my head to the tips of my toes, I breathe in a prayer of gratitude for my body. I bless every cell, marveling at the way they work together. Every strand of DNA is woven into a pattern of the unique being that I am. Every part of my body is a distinct creation that fits perfectly together with the whole.
“If there is an area of my body that is in need of healing, I send it special blessings, calling forth the perfect life of God. I forgive myself for ways I may have not honored or appreciated my body in the past. I give thanks for the wonderful service my body provides. With new eyes of love I see my body as it was created, healthy and whole.”
The Bible verse reads: “Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices; my body also rests secure” (Psalm 16:).
“Everything is Unfolding Exactly as it Should”
I’d planned to attend Unity church this morning, however, a neighbor, Nettie, invited me to attend a musical presentation this afternoon, and I wouldn’t get back in time, so I canceled my bus ride and stayed home.
Instead, I began my meditation, but God guided me to play a tape of a Sunday service I had attended years ago (October 1996), at Mile High Church, in Denver, Colorado, where my daughter, Dottie, and her family were living, at the time.
When I selected the audio tape, “Impatient For Patience,” I thought it didn’t really apply to where I am, in my life, now. However, Rev. Roger proceeded to say everything I’d needed to hear, at that time, and certainly what I needed to hear today.
God brought to my attention that I must include these ideas in this chapter about Faith, so I later replayed the tape and wrote down the important points, which I attempt to live by, and write about often, but constantly need to be reminded, such as the three Principles:
1. Discovering and trusting the Divine Process, which relates to my constant affirmation: “Thank You, God, for your Divine Plan for Good, for my life,” based on the bible verse: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare, and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Ecclesiastes 29: 11). In other words, life is unfolding exactly as it should.
That reminded me of the song, based on the poem “Desiderata,” so I started searching through my record albums for the one by Les Crane, which recites the poem, with a choir background that sings the words: “The universe is unfolding exactly as it should,” after each section that he reads. After I’d gone through several dozen beloved albums, and thinking that I must play every album this month, I kept hearing my Inner Voice telling me to remove the two records, not in albums, on top of the others. I laughed out loud when I noticed one was the record I was looking for. Isn’t God wonderful?” How good it felt to again hear the familiar words and music of “Desiderata,” with the idea that the universe is unfolding exactly as it should.
Getting back into Rev. Rogers sermon, as an illustration of this point, he told the familiar story he assigned to Zorba, the Greek, about a man seeing a butterfly having difficulty trying to emerge from the cocoon, so he blew his warm breath on it. But, as it began to emerge, its wings were curled, because they had not had the necessary time to complete the process, before emerging in God’s Divine Time.
Oh, how often we want to help someone through their development process, such as a child learning to walk, or my daughter, Gail, giving up smoking, after a lifetime. Yet, all we can do is standby, support, pray, and listen. She has to do the work, and mostly, as she did, ask God to remove the addiction. I am so proud of her. What a way to start the new year: a new beginning for 2010!
Rev. Roger also gave an example of Divine Timing, when he mentioned Rod Serling, of Twilight Zone, who wrote 40 books, before finally becoming successful.
I remember when I first heard this talk, that I was encouraged about my own writing and desire to be published. Here it is fourteen years later, and I’m still going through the same process: waiting to be published, and to get my website improved. Talk about learning the lesson of patience and Divine Timing.
Which brings us to Step 2, Discover and trust the Divine Right Timing and Order. Obviously these two steps overlap, because it is difficult to talk about one, without the other. Rev. Roger reminds us that the process takes understanding, as we learn to “Keep peace with our soul,” in knowing that the Universe is on it’s own time-table;” not necessarily our time-table.
Step 3 states “I’m in my right place,” as we realize there is no wrong place, with the knowledge that “There is no spot where God is not,” a popular affirmation of Religious Science, which is the basis of Mile High Church.
Rev. Roger reminds us that a larger process is unfolding in a right time and right way, and that patience is about something deeper: a Divine Process.
Our part is to let it happen, not make it happen.
He tells the story of a young boy who accompanied his father to the corn field every day, to measure the growth of the corn, and the child’s excitement at each day’s growth. But then, one day, it stopped growing, and the boy felt sad, until his dad explained: “Now, the ears of corn are forming themselves, so we’ll have the ripe corn to eat, which brought a smile to the child’s face.
As the bible tells us: “Everything in it’s time”; germination, development and maturity. We must have faith and trust that the universal process is unfolding, in patience, as we let it unfold, knowing that the universe does not hold out on us.
This story reminded me of my latest experiential aide that God has given me, starting with my shopping trip to buy the beef for my stew, which I related earlier. The next step, for me, became somewhat scary, for my inner child, until I reminded her that she doesn’t have to prepare and cook the stove. I can do it, even though it’s been years, and then I prepared meals for my family, or in later years, for my husband, Van. Now, it’s just for me; but I deserve a good home-cooked meal, and I know how to do it.
So, I peeled the potatoes and diced them, along with the carrots, while the flour drenched meat sizzled and browned in the frying pan. Then I prepared the celery, onions and garlic, and added something different: a zucchini, and placed them all in the crock pot, along with the water and seasonings: Spike and Bragg’s, natural ingredients.
At first, I turned them on high, but when I talked with Gail, who is an excellent cook, and, in fact, had just made her own beef stew, she suggested that I keep it on low, and allow it to cook all night. I knew that crock pot cooking is slower, and brings out the flavor, however, when I returned from my Saturday night at Norma’s (to eat pizza and watch TV), I tasted the meat and a carrot, and they seemed done. So now, my dilemma became whether to turn it off, let it cool, and put it in the frig, or let it cook all night, perhaps becoming mushy; especially if it’s already done.
I finally decided to let it stew all night; after all that’s its name: stew, and it is in a crock pot, which is a slow-cooker.
In the morning, I ate a bowl of stew, and it was delicious. I realized that the long, slow cooking is what gives it the flavor; all I needed to do was have patience, and let the crock pot, and God, do the rest. What a great experiential aide and lesson of life, at just the right time. God is so wonderful!
Rev. Roger continues talking about the Divine Principle: As within, so without; or “Thoughts held in mind produce after their kind,” as he said, “Don’t sabotage with fear and confusion, just trust that it is all unfolding in Divine Timing, as he quoted Isaiah: “In quietness and trust (confidence) shall be your strength” (Isaiah 30: 15).
While writing the above paragraph, I was reminded of a recent experiential aide that I didn’t had any purpose, at the time, but now I can see its lesson.
It all started with an e-mail forward from my friend, Keith, despite the fact that I’ve asked my e-mail friends to stop sending forwards, and I’m not sending any. The forward he sent gave several examples of the disasters that had befallen certain people who had not forwarded it, as requested. To me, it spoke of threats, which caused my hip, and other body parts that respond to stress, to tighten, and a sense of fear came over me.
I was so angry that I wrote to Keith, asking why he would send me such a forward, and requesting that he not send me any more.
He replied that he hadn’t seen it as negative, at all, but said, “Because I thought the message was beautiful – always stay in touch with your friends and let them know that you care. I didn’t get any threats out of it, just the indications of regret that these people didn’t stay in touch or say what they really felt, then they crossed over before they could rectify that.
“Sorry you got a different indication out of it. Never dawned on me to regard those words as threatening, just regretful that the words and deeds weren’t done.
“Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to bum you out. Will try to behave better in the future. ‘Salright?”
I explained, in the next e-mail, that it really scared me, and, as a matter of fact, I didn’t forward it to anyone. I certainly wouldn’t wish that on anyone else. It just goes to prove that there are more ways to look at something, and obviously my “thoughts held in mind, produced after their kind.” Not only did I feel fear, from the threats of disaster, if I didn’t send the forwards, but as I’m writing now, my points of tension have again tightened. It must be something that I need to examine further, in order to be free, or perhaps I will do some tapping (EFT) to free myself. In any event, I will report on my results.
The important part of this experience, and the healing aspect of my recovery came with the fact that I was able to tell Keith how I felt, and even express anger, and we are still friends, as indicated in his reply, and his follow-up messages. That is a tremendous support to me, for changing the old pattern of “something I say or does causes everyone and everything to blow-up and disappear. Thank You, God!
Moving right along, in closing, Rev. Roger reminded us: “Patience arrives in Divine Order,” and then he gave us the following thoughts to affirm:
“ Everything is on time and in Divine Right Order for me.”
“I trust the deep perfection unfolding in my life and outer.”
“I am always in my right place at the right time.”
“With quietness and confidence I am the strength of patience.” Powerful patience.
His last words, for the sermon are: “let go impatience and blockages to your good”and “Relax and let go. Trust the Divine Activity and the Divine Possibilities.”
Wow! I sure feel much better, and I don’t feel bad that I missed church, because I know that I am in my right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. Thank You, God. And now, it’s time to have another bowl of stew and get ready to go to the music program, with Nettie.
Epiphany Choir Fest
I went through a Reality Shift, as Nettie and I sat in her church, Gethsemane Lutheran, for the music program. It finally occurred to me that this was the same church where I had attended the same event in 2005, with a former resident from here. I couldn’t believe it had been five years, but I do remember that the Unity church choir sang, at that time. Now, we no longer have a professional choir, as such, and the choir director is no longer there. I found it interesting, however, that the Music Director who came, after him, was leading one of the other choirs. Life does move right along.
I couldn’t understand why we were singing Christmas songs, but I looked up Epiphany, in the Dictionary, and it takes place on January 6th, as a “church festival in commemoration of the coming of the Magi as the first manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles, or in the Eastern Church in commemoration of the baptism of Christ.”
So, that explains that. However, there is more to this event. It is also a fund raiser for Daybreak Shelter Network, which “provides a safe and empowering place for homeless families to stay while they look for permanent housing. The shelter rotates between nine host churches, including this church. The Daybreak Shelter serves up to 15 people per night including homeless families and single women escaping domestic violence.”
The nine choirs were outstanding, and the music delightful, culminating in all choirs singing “Hallelujah Chorus” from Handel’s Messiah, which literally touched my heart and soul, and brought goose bumps on my arms.
This evening’s performance took in over $3,000.00, which will be a great help to the Daybreak Shelters Network. Afterwards, we enjoyed cookies and tea, or coffee, in their Community Room, and Nettie showed me the classrooms which double as bedrooms for the people to stay, when it is this church’s turn to host them, for a week, while they seek permanent shelter.
I had noticed Bob and Sarah, from the Writers Support Group, and spoke to them, so during the snacks, they invited us to sit at their table, which added a feeling of camaraderie and belonging. Nice!
In fact, a friend of theirs, from Alaska, also sat with us, and I told her that I’d heard about her, from Nelle, who also knew her, from the Moffit Tours, and, in fact, I had been told that she would be on the tour I took to Pendleton and Joseph, Oregon, and she and I would probably be able to partner, as far as seating, etc., but her trip to Portland was delayed, so that didn’t happen. Too bad, as she seems to be a fun person.
Talking with Nettie, about the Moffit Tours, she said she’d be interested, so I will give her a copy of their itinerary. Who knows, maybe we’ll be able to go on the Laughlin Tour together, which I certainly want to do, when my inheritance comes into fruition. I must add that to my Bucket List, along with the Railroad Trip across the Canadian Rockies.